Psychology of Sports: A weekly syndicated column

Psychology of Sports Archive

The Drive Home

It's much easier to be the parent of an athlete who's just won the game on last second heroics. Everyone feels good and is all smiles. What a thrill it is to watch one's child succeed.

However, for every team that wins, there is a team that loses. It doesn't really matter if it was a great play on the opposing team's part or a mistake on your end.

There was some athlete who gave up the game winning hit or struck out with runners in scoring position. Somebody missed the tackle, fumbled the ball or dropped the pass. Someone's son or daughter gave up the winning goal or missed a scoring chance.

Dealing with the agony of defeat is one of the more difficult challenges of parenthood. Seeing one's child in emotional pain and anguish is distressing regardless of the child's age.

The awkward moments that constitute the drive home are the times when parents really earn their stripes. This is when the kids are their most vulnerable. What parents say and do at these times can have a tremendous impact on their child's psyche.

The first thing parents need to be aware of is their own level of emotional discomfort, which in many cases is transformed into some form of anger. It's a matter of keeping track of what one can control and how to direct it.

The tendency of most parents is to want to make their child feel better. They want the pain to go away, the child's pain and their own. The bizarre and sometimes frightening things we hear occurring at sporting events are often related to parents who say and do things to make themselves temporarily feel better even though it negatively impacts their kids.

One of the truisms in life is; pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. The mistake parents are prone to make is trying to remove the emotional pain. There is nothing wrong with experiencing pain. It's actually beneficial to acknowledge its existence as a normal part of life that they will conquer as they build the inner resources and self-confidence that comes with knowing they can and will survive it.

Some parents will skip right to analyzing the game. They want to take the pain away by solving the problems. The pitfall is that if the athlete tends to focus on mistakes and have negative self-talk based on some derivative of "I stink," this will make it worse. It's even an incredible challenge for kids who do not think in this manner because it feeds that negative mindset by focusing their attention on all the things they did poorly at the time when they feel the lowest.

The ride home becomes a mobile torture chamber in which athletes get to relive everything they did wrong. The longer the ride the more often they get to relive it.

Other parents will immediately attempt to cheer athletes up, make them smile or tell athletes that it's all right. The message is often interpreted that there is something wrong with feeling disappointed. Since pain is inevitable, that message increases suffering since the focus is on avoiding pain. Think of the anguish that is created by the dilemma of trying to avoid something that is unavoidable.

Occasionally, a parent will validate the feeling then turn around and psychologically bind the athlete by telling him or her to remember it well so that they will use it as a motivator to avoid feeling that way again.

Athletes start to think of life as all risk and little reward.

What can a parent say or do?

Validate the emotion. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

Make a connection. "It used to hurt me too. It still does."

Provide a little hope. "I learned that it doesn't always feel like it does now. It doesn't last forever. At some point you'll notice that it hurts a little less and that it continues to move in that direction."

Offer some help and space. "Let me know when or if you want some help. I'll be happy to work on it with you."

Let them know you love them and that they don't have to dwell on it. "Hey, I'm hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?"®2002

The Dreaded Let Down

Your team has just won a huge game. It was an intense battle and an emotional high. The team was firing on all cylinders and everyone played "lights out."

Whenever athletes and coaches expend that much focused energy there is an inevitable need to recuperate. They have to regroup and recharge the batteries.

The problem that comes into play is that the time with which they have to be back up to speed is finite. They have until the next game to get there.

In sports we have a saying for teams and individuals who don't seem to have the same energy the next time they step onto the playing surface. We call it a let down, as in a headline that reads, "Coach fears let down after big win."

It's at this point where we tend to hear a lot of rhetoric about how the team is guarding against the let down. They talk in generalities about how they are going to get themselves up for the next game. The process they go through conjures up questions about whether they can really regroup in time.

One thing that always strikes me during these situations is the way teams break one of the cardinal rules of focus and concentration; focus on what one wants to do, not what one doesn't want to do. The very nature of trying to guard against a let down focuses everyone's attention on having a sub-par performance for the next game. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy because that's what athletes end up thinking about between games. They actually create the let down by trying to avoid it.

Is the other shoe going to drop? Are we really good enough to perform that way on a consistent basis? They hope they are, but are afraid they are not. It's another application of how important it is to continue using a reference point based on what one wants to pursue.

The real issue in this entire let down business is consistency. Coaches and teams are searching to be a little more even in terms of their performance. They wonder if the performance the team just turned in is a harbinger of what is to come or an aberration.

Since it doesn't make a lot of sense to simply hope everything falls into place, it's a good idea to have a plan of action that addresses the team's current challenges. They roughly consist of regrouping, improving and developing more than one way to be at one's best.

Remember that while peak performances are exhilarating and fulfilling, they are also very draining. Athletes need to have time to physically and mentally recover from the game.

This is one of the reasons Bill Walsh of San Francisco 49er fame began to limit full contact drills during the season. He wanted his team to be fully energized when game day arrived. This was an earth-shattering concept in the NFL at that time that has become more commonplace since his success.

The other aspect has to do with continuing to seek improvement. This ties into a team's seasonal and game-to-game goals. It helps athletes keep a sense of perspective in terms of their overall job not being finished yet. It also gives them a framework for assessing the unique challenges and opportunities each contest provides. In turn, it helps athletes progress with the building process and not shift into a maintenance mode.

Lastly, every game is going to have a different feel to it. Coaches and athletes don't want to fall into the trap of thinking that the only avenue to success is paved with one particular feel. Just as with finding one's way around town, you want to develop multiple ways of getting to the same place. It isn't necessarily the feel of the game that predicts peak performance; it's what one does with the feel of the game that gets them there.®2002

All Mouth and Trousers

I was talking to a friend of mine who is originally from England. We were discussing some cultural euphemisms when she hit me with the English saying, "He's all mouth and trousers." The US translation would be akin to being all talk. These would be people who talk a big game, but don't back it up with their actions. They can talk the talk but not walk the walk. They say one thing and do another. You get the picture. Their words have no substance - they're hollow.

Looking at the sports world, we can all identify people we might consider all mouth and trousers. They talk about how good they are but have never really been able to show it with any consistency in a competitive situation. We tend to dismiss these people after a while as being somewhat irrelevant.

Sometimes it is difficult to tell whose words have substance and whose are hollow. Especially when everyone is saying the same things. Who really means it and who is blowing smoke?

Think of all the interviews you've watched or listened to over the past year. Every athlete talks about being focused. Each coach talks about the importance of hard work and discipline. Everyone says they are building a winner through trust and honesty and the above-mentioned characteristics.

What happens when athletes discover a teammate, but in particular their coach, is paying lip service to certain issues? What do you think happens when it appears that the coach has exempted himself from the things he says he strongly believes are the cornerstone of success? What does that do to their commitment and loyalty over time?

When George O'Leary was named the head football coach at Notre Dame, he emphasized the importance of honesty to his team during their first meeting. He wanted the players to honestly evaluate their own level of commitment as well as how they viewed the commitment of their teammates. He wanted honesty to be the cornerstone from which he would rebuild the program.

As you know, O'Leary was forced to resign within a week of taking the job because he lied about his academic and athletic achievements.

Even more recently, West Virginia University hired Dan Dakich to be its next men's basketball coach. Dakich knew that the players had to willingly follow his leadership if he was going to have any success. He spoke to them about the importance of trust in their rebuilding process. He talked about how he would help them be better players and a better team if they would trust him and his judgment.

One week after making that speech, Dakich made another one to them. This talk would be much shorter. Without any explanation, he announced to them that he was resigning and would no longer be their coach.

So much for trust.

What response do you think these two groups of players will have when the next coach talks about the importance of these issues? Might it be similar to dating a person whose ex cheated on them?

True success is all about substance. It is consistently solid from top to bottom, front to back, and inside to outside. The parents of young children place the growth and development of their children in a coach's hands. Young adults and professionals entrust coaches with their hopes and dreams. These are matters that should not be taken lightly. Coaches are supposed to add to the stability, not subtract from it. There are few better ways of poking holes in success than by being nothing more than all mouth and trousers.®2002

Overcoming the Battle Within

It can happen in individual sports but it mainly occurs in team sports. The bigger the team and the more athletes on the playing surface at the same time, the greater the likelihood of having it happen.

The issue is the battle that goes on inside the minds of each athlete who is working to be at his or her best and fulfill their dreams. It's the continual management of frame of reference, thoughts, and emotions that grapple for attention and direction within every athlete.

Common sense tells us that individual sports are more focused on the individual because each athlete competes without the help of teammates. Coaches can still become lost in techniques and competitive strategies, but they are forced to pay attention to one athlete for certain periods of time. That means athletes in individual sports are more likely to get individual attention. Some of that attention is going to be focused on what is going on between their ears.

Good teams in individual sports tend to spend more time helping and training frame of mind, thought processes and directing emotion because it's more critical when athletes can't rely on anyone else for help.

Team sports demand the coordination of several different athletes during the course of competition. It can be as few as two as with doubles tennis or as many as eleven in sports such as football and soccer.

The nature of team sports forces coaches to put more energy into the Xs and Os. It also tends to mean that they have larger teams and therefore more athletes to monitor. There is a tendency to attend to the individual athlete's technique and positioning to the point that coaches lose contact with the battle within.

Some coaches will openly admit that they don't think they have the time to check in with each athlete. It isn't that they see it as a waste of time but it may be a lower priority than the other issues. The other aspect is that they aren't quite sure what to do with the information when they get it.

Ironically, asking athletes simple questions about how they feel and what they are thinking is a short cut to helping them use the right techniques and be in the correct position. These are often the things that get in the way of them doing the right thing at the right time to begin with. The answers tell the coach what the internal challenges are and where their focus might be.

Think of coaching like giving someone directions to your house. You both know where the person wants to finish the journey, but the key component in helping them get to your house as efficiently and effectively as possible is knowing their current location. Once you know where point A is, you can get them to point B.

Think of how maddening it would be to try to tell someone how to get to your house without knowing where they are. Yet this is what many coaches are doing. They keep telling athletes to be at point B without knowing where point A is.

The other part is that this is not a real time consuming task. It actually works best in conjunction with coaching Xs, Os and technique. It also works extremely well in competition. All it requires is asking athletes to tell them what they are thinking and how they are feeling so that the proper directions can be given.

It is easy for coaches of team sports to get caught up in strategical planning and coordination. They forget that teaching athletes to perform from within, means that they have to start from the core of each athlete and work their way out.®2003

The Gift

In the spirit of the Holiday Season, I'd like to give coaches and athletes a gift. The problem I've had is figuring out what kind of present will work for everyone. (You know how hard it is to find the right thing for certain people.

Then there's the issue of time. I only have so much time to devote to thinking about whether I'm inadvertently leaving someone out because I forgot to take particular aspects of performance or life situations into account.

The present must have some simplicity yet contain some complexity.

Gifts such as VCRs, computers and other technological gadgets are the answer to some people's dreams.

Some lose themselves in discovering what their present can do. They enjoy the time they spend unraveling the multifaceted functions that exist within each gadget. All the while they know that as the clock continues on its unending journey from tick to tock, someone is out there working to create more choices as they improve the gadget's speed and versatility.

For other people, gadget gifts are their worst nightmare. They enjoy things that represent simple pleasures and a slower pace. If the present is too complicated, they can't fully enjoy it.

They want the base model VCR without all the bells and whistles. All they need it to do is play tapes. They don't know and don't care how to program something more complicated and will be content to allow time to stand still as the clock perpetually flashes 12:00.

Since this column is about excellence, the gift needs to reflect that. It would be hypocritical to write about how we can bring out the best in ourselves and those around us; then give something that's mediocre.

No, the present needs to be precious. Something that enthralls us the moment it's given and we will cherish in the moments that comprise a lifetime.

Also there was a logistical problem to solve. The present needed to be something I can give to coaches and athletes I don't know and in many cases will never meet.

I was racking my brain trying to think of something that would be easy to get to everyone; exude excellence; be precious, simple and yet complex.

Then it finally hit me, only it's not something I can give you, someone else already did. All I can do is heighten your awareness of it, with the hope that you will use it to its fullest potential.

The gift is this moment in time. The present moment.

Nothing in sports is as simplistically powerful as learning to lose oneself in stillness of each tick and tock.

At the same time, nothing in sports presents coaches and athletes with such complexity as choosing what to do with the endless flow of each passing moment.

Nothing is as precious as the present moment. It contains a lifetime of our thoughts and actions. It is the only point in time we can do anything about; the only one in which we live.

Excellence resides in maximizing the opportunities that exist for coaches and athletes to showcase their strengths right here and right now.

May you keep working to fill the moments of your lives with the best you have to offer.®2002

The Parent Inside the Coach

Youth sports are primarily volunteer organizations. They rely on adults who are able and willing to volunteer their time in order to fill coaching positions.

Volunteering to coach requires someone who can consistently be available to attend and organize practices and games. Some people have the time to coach and not the knowledge. Others have the knowledge and not the time. Who then are the most likely pool of volunteers? Parents.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that most youth teams are coached by at least one parent of the kids on that particular team. That makes some sense since it's the parents who sign the kids up, have to transport them and find team sponsorships.

Parents also have an intense desire to see their kids excel. They want to teach them what they know so that they can learn from their wealth of experience. They want their kids to find success and not make the same mistakes they did in their own youth.

At first glance, the combination of being a parent and a coach seems like a perfect match. It brings someone who is interested in teaching their child about various aspects of playing a particular sport and puts them in a position to do so. However there are a few potential pitfalls.

The first is probably the most common. It is a situation where the parent gets so wrapped up in what their own son or daughter is doing that they forget about the other kids on the team. They put their child's needs in front of the other kids. You can think of it as someone who is being more parent than coach.

Sometimes this attention can be overbearing and pressured. On other occasions it simply has to do with taking more individual time or gearing the instruction with mainly one's own child's needs in mind.

Parents have the luxury of being able to focus on the progress of their own children. They can place all of their attention on them because they don't have any real obligation beyond that. Sure they might want to see the other kids do well but they aren't responsible for giving the other kids any instruction.

Coaches have to be concerned with the learning and development of the whole team not just a few. This can be a hard thing to balance when the natural impulse is to want to focus attention on one's own child. It takes some practice as a coach to give individual attention to the other kids as well as one's own.

The second pitfall is not quite as common but relates to parents/coaches who over compensate for not wanting to make their child the focal point of their coaching. They tend to keep placing their child's need for instruction after everyone else's.

This situation has the potential to really confuse a son or daughter. They may question how much their mom or dad loves them. It takes a toll on their self-worth because they have a hard time figuring out what they might have done wrong. What would make their parent, who is the coach, not want to help them?

Balancing the roles and responsibilities of being a parent and a coach can be a little tricky. Being a good coach forces parents to expand their thought process beyond their own children.

The key is being aware that as a parent you are going to have a stronger attachment to your child than to the other children regardless of how well you might know them. At the same time, the goal is to put your energy into helping all of them improve in some way, shape or form. Then enjoy watching all of them grow and develop.®2002

Bad Call Ref!

The most reviled person at any sporting event is the game official. He is also the person coaches, players and fans are most likely to attempt to influence.

A lot of it has to do with the inherent aspects of the job. These are the people who enforce the rules of their respective sports. Every call they make, or don't make, defines the boundaries.

As fans and participants, we sometimes look at an official's ruling in one of two ways; the official is choosing sides, or he is incompetent. If he makes a call that doesn't favor our team, he must either be against us or he isn't any good.

It could never be that our side wasn't able to make the play, made a mistake or committed an infraction. It had to be the referee's fault.

Fans can afford to think that way. Coaches and athletes cannot.

Remember that one of the primary keys to performance is learning to control what you can and let go of what you can't. Playing to the referee is a sure fire method for giving away something you have control of by focusing your attention on something you can't dictate.

When coaches and athletes get caught up in what the official is doing, they make him the focal point of the game. They give him more power than he wants or is supposed to have. They end up putting him in control of their own performance.

As challenging as this can be, there is one other referee-related situation that tends to exponentially increase the difficulty for staying focused on task. It comes into play on occasions when the official makes an obvious mistake. He saw it differently than the way it happened. The more critical the moment in the game, the more threatening the missed call is related to the outcome. This is the time when the anger is going to be the most intense.

This situation is also the one that puts a coaches or athletes' focus and concentration skills to their biggest test. It requires that they regroup as quickly as possible. The game isn't going to wait 10 or 15 minutes for everyone to calm down. The ball will be put back into play in a matter of seconds.

Fans can boo, yell, chant and otherwise carry on about their displeasure with what occurred on the field of play. Coaches and athletes have to be focused on what they are going to next. They don't have time to rant and rave.

Now add in the earlier factor. It is hard enough to regroup when you realize the official simply made a mistake. Think of how much more difficult it would be if you are already focused on the referee in a way that to some degree places him in charge of your performance.

Minutes may tick off of the clock before you recover enough to focus back on the task at hand. The game could be over by then.

Is it possible that this is what allowed the New England Patriots to beat the Oakland Raiders in last week's playoff game? Was it the fumble that was ruled an incomplete pass or was it that enough of the team couldn't get past the call in time to win the game, if not in regulation, in overtime?

It is said that a god referee is hard to notice during the game. He works to enforce the rules but not become the focal point of the game. While some officials are better at doing this than others, it could also be said that highly focused athletes can make even poor officials look good.®2003

Hello, Are There Any Adults Home?!

With the flurry of sanctions that have taken place over the last few weeks it's been hard to keep track of everything that's going on. Yet there are two aspects of this chaos peaking my curiosity from the perspective of this column. One is the story that is emanating from St. Bonaventure. The other is an offshoot of opinion columns in the wake of these incidents that attack the concept of a "student-athlete."

A St. Bonaventure player was ruled ineligible because the transcripts he transferred into school with did not meet academic standards. However, the little twist in this is that the transcripts were approved and fast-tracked by the school's president.

The Atlantic 10 wanted to send a message that this kind of gross assault on institutional integrity would not be tolerated. As a result, part of the sanction that was handed down via a vote of the league presidents was to ban the team from post-season tournaments, which included the conference tournament.

In their haste to punish the St. Bonaventure athlete and administration, which included the president, athletic director, head coach and an assistant coach who just happened to be the president's son, they also punished the athletes who played by the rules and did everything they were supposed to be doing.

Suddenly, those players looked around and realized that their dreams and all the hard work they put into their season was being dashed before their eyes. They felt they were being treated unfairly since they had done nothing wrong. They also found that no one was looking out for them.

In the midst of feeling abandoned, hurt and angry, they acted impulsively and rashly, as 18 to 22 year olds are prone to do. They essentially said, fine, if we can't play in the tournament, then we aren't going to play the last couple games either; we quit.

A little adult leadership would have helped them regroup and keep things in perspective. The problem was that there wasn't much left in the way of leadership at St. Bonaventure.

Then rather than calmer heads at the conference office prevailing, the league fires a shot back toward the school about kicking them out of the league for leaving them in a scheduling bind.

Talk about escalating a situation instead of finding a way to dial it down.

That brings us to the second part: the attack on the student-athlete.

As part of the backlash for this incident, as well as the others, many columnists have taken to arguing that there is really no such thing as a student-athlete. They say athletes are coddled, completely self-centered and not really interested in academics, hence the various scandals.

While these brush strokes are so wide that they leave common sense far behind, there is no doubt that each athlete involved has to take responsibility for his own role in what took place.

The only troubling matter is that it always seems like the athletes are the ones who take the brunt of disciplinary action and the grown men who are supposed to know better move on to other things. Coaches, administrators, other school personnel and boosters are more at the root of the problem than the athletes.

The adults' job is to set the boundaries and enforce them. Most scandals are related to adults who don't do their jobs. It's one thing to have kids acting like kids; it's quite another to have adults acting like kids.®2003

The Process of Achieving an Outcome

There isn't a lot of mystery to the basics of goal setting. Most coaches and athletes would agree they are an important part of planning for success. They know the goals need to be specific and measurable, which helps identify when they've been reached. That being said: there are some areas that tend to be overlooked.

The main issue from a sports performance perspective is that coaches and athletes spend a lot of time identifying outcome-oriented goals while forgetting about goals that help them focus on the process. They get fixated on the end result in large part because of the investment they make in a desired outcome. Winning feels good and losing doesn't.

Another factor may be that athletics have clearly identified winners and losers at the end of each competition. It's easy to track, which allows it to fit into the specific and measurable criteria of good goal setting.

These, among other matters, may contribute to why people can become locked on to the end result in their goal setting.

All of this means it's easy to lose contact with the importance of setting goals that pertain to the stepping-stones that lead to the end result.

How does one set a process-oriented goal?

It isn't really that complicated. It has to do with breaking down what are valued as the keys to success into their simplest, measurable elements.

For example, a basketball team values hard work, which is good but hard to account for. They break the game down into phases such as offense, defense and transition offense and defense. Using offense, they define and prioritize where they want shots taken from on the floor: option one is a fairly open shot from within ten feet, option two, etc.

One offensive goal for a particular game may become taking 50% of their shots from within ten feet.

This is just an example of how to turn something as vague as "hard work" into a specific and measurable process-oriented team goal. There may be two or three goals per phase.

Notice that the example used was of a team goal. This is an area where outcome and process goals differ in team sports. The outcome goal is usually the same for the individual and the team; win the game. The goals that constitute the process may be different for the team and an individual. While the goal stated above may be the team goal; there may be players who need to take 80% of their shots from that range and others who may only take 30% of their shots from the same distance because of their individual strengths and talents.

These goals comprise the overall or team game plan and each athlete's responsibilities within them. It's often much more powerful to think of these assignments as goals because of the targeting value that is part of the basic human design.

Setting process goals places a premium on communication between coaches and athletes. It demands that they reach a mutual acceptance and understanding of what each person's role is in meeting the unique challenges of one game.

This isn't to say process is more important than outcome. It simply means they balance each other and flow from one another. There's a symbiotic relationship between the two that helps coaches and athletes achieve the results that are literally dreams come true.®2003

War

Certain events have a way of reminding us of our priorities. People who find themselves faced with the sobering reality of life and death situations tend to quickly grasp what is important to them and in what order they exist.

The sheer weight and brutality of war makes it the event that impacts the most people at the same time. Such is the place we find ourselves at this point in time.

Several columnists have documented the place they believe sports should occupy on the priority lists of spectators as the realities of war have shocked us all back to attention. I wholeheartedly agree with their assessments that we would all be a lot healthier if we did not place such a high value on the outcome of a game.

At the same time, I would add something to all that I have read thus far. The sports world is vastly different for competitors and spectators. There is a value to competing that spectators cannot experience from their role.

The NCAA is actually running some commercials during the basketball tournament that elaborate on the educational value of competition. That value in a nut shell is about gathering the best of one's skills, training and experiences and focusing them into one point in time (the present) for one purpose (to win).

The things athletes learn about themselves as they expand beyond previous limits in pursuit of their goals and objectives are priceless. Their successes on the field and in life beyond are based on this learning curve.

I'm going to list several quotes I heard recently; see if you can identify who said them.

These quotes sound like they come right out of the players and coaches participating in March Madness -- but they aren't.

The fist quote is from an unnamed B-2 pilot in response to a question asking him how they deal with the long flights they are undertaking.

The second quote comes from U.S. General Tommy Franks during a CentCom briefing.

The third quote is the answer President Bush gave during a press conference with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

The last quote is Secretary of State, Colin Powell's viewpoint on how one has to keep each skirmish and battle in context with the overall picture; in other words, how to stay even amidst the ups and downs.

War is the highest stakes competition. The fates of individuals, governments, cultures and the direction of humanity hang in the balance.

No game ever comes close to approaching these proportions. This is the thing competitors have to keep in perspective and why losing a game isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. In many ways this perspective can actually help athletes take some of the pressure off and cut loose when they enter the game.

Lastly, one other thing I would add to columnists' views on priorities and perspective. With media coverage such as it is, we are all spectators now and the outcome is very important.

Keep in mind that just as in sports, the home team can lose a few games over the course of the season and still win the championship. As spectators, now more than ever, we need to learn how to do what the champions do after a setback; play the next play and get ready for the next game.

"I Didn't Know" Won't Cut It

In the past week, two handsomely paid and high profile coaches have lost their jobs for behavior unbecoming the positions for which they held.

Iowa State's Larry Eustachy negotiated a severance package in his departure. Alabama's Mike Price was simply shown the door and told not to let it hit him in the backside on his way out.

To Eustachy's credit, he has come forward and taken responsibility for his actions. He admits that he has an alcohol problem and that he needs to do something about it. That's probably why Iowa State allowed him to keep his health insurance coverage as part of that severance package. It will help him get the treatment he needs.

Mike Price is a different story. He's blamed everyone but himself for the hard times that have befallen him. Somehow charges accumulated on his University of Alabama credit card related to a strip club and exorbitant room service charges, but the best he can come up with is, "It's not my fault. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that. You can't fire me for not knowing that was wrong."

The circumstances these two men created for themselves have become the topic of discourse across the country. Everyone is trying to make sense out of what went wrong and how it gives insight into why other coaches act the way they do. In turn, everyone has his or her favorite theory as to why two coaches who made it to the top of their field could screw it up so badly.

Let me give you my professional take on the how's and why's. It's rarely a matter of it being one thing. It's usually a combination of several things to varying degrees over time. People have a far too complex set of drives that are so interconnected and interdependent it's really difficult to say that it's this one thing and one thing alone.

For example, even though Larry Eustachy recognizes he has an alcohol problem, which sounds like dealing with one thing, think of all of the things that can be associated with alcohol in a person's life, some of which may have begun before he ever started drinking.

The main issue from this column's perspective with respect to coaches' behaviors has to do with professional direction and boundaries: 1) is the coaching profession clear about the direction it wants to take, and 2) is the path clearly defined or marked?

Every true profession has some form of ethical code of conduct. These codes are designed to light a path towards excellence with the protection of the public trust in mind. It is also the responsibility of every professional in their chosen field to be familiar with the ethical guidelines that govern their respect behaviors.

As a matter of fact, many licensing boards require professionals to obtain a specific amount of ethics training as part of their continuing education for keeping their licenses current.

As with any pursuit of excellence, doing the ethical thing is not always the easy thing. While there are no state-issued coaching licenses, who should know more about all the facets of excellence better than the coaching profession? These guys know that excellence is not about lowering standards, cutting corners, doing the bare minimum or just getting by.

Excellence is about the drive to be better today than one was yesterday. It's about the determination to do the hard things because they are the right things. It's about the discipline and mental toughness to stay the course amid the plethora of distractions.

The ethical code of conduct, as well as the will to live up to them, must come from within the coaching profession itself, the way all ethical codes develop. They represent a profession that is striving to achieve excellence for no reason other than they choose to define the best in themselves.

And let's be honest, it's hard to find evidence to support ethical behavior and a commitment to personal and professional excellence by claiming, "I didn't know that was wrong." That dog won't hunt.

Failure is Inevitable, but not Fatal

If you want to be good at something, if you want to excel, be prepared to deal with disappointment.

Know that failures seldom come 'at a good time.' No one really plans to fail, one plans to succeed. As such, no one thinks about when might be the best time to hurt.

The setbacks can come in many forms; lost games, mistakes in the game, an official's call, injuries, rehabbing injuries, personal life issues, not making a team, and even recognizing that you aren't as close to your goals and dreams as you thought you were, to name a few.

You have to know that no matter how talented you are, how hard you work or how smart you work, you cannot escape the fact that you're going to get knocked down a time or two. The ball isn't always going to bounce your way and you might even suffer a series of setbacks that happen right in a row, bang, bang, bang.

You can do everything right and still lose. You can be at your very best and fall short.

No, it's not fair, but if you don't know this already, life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be.

This is a reality of competition and the pursuit of excellence. It's usually the failure to acknowledge this reality that places coaches and athletes between a rock and a hard place. It's a place where they end up fighting themselves. A place where their confidence takes some hard shots and begins to show signs of cracking.

One might even say that learning how to deal with inevitable disappointment is an issue that ultimately determines how successful any coach or athlete will become.

Here are some tips for making this reality work for you.

It's often said that the real success is the ability to get up one more time than you get knocked down. While this isn't an all-inclusive list, it's a good place to start getting your mind back up and in pursuit mode again. That's what it takes to be a champion.